i actual wrote a nice suicide note toyou butfuck you this is all your fault and your gonna know about it and i’m pinning the blame on you

everything hurts so so much but i’m trying my hardest not to act on thoughts because it’s not what i want and i want to prove i can change but doing this all alone is the hardest

all i wanted to do was fix things so we weren’t on bad terms. not be your fucking best mate and you won’t even speak to me and it’s been two months. i don’t want to be your mate i just want things to be ok between us but no you have to make it ducking difficult and all it’s doing is driving me up the wall

the one person who i need the most just to reassure me everything will be okay isn’t there for me and it’s shit because i have no one else to talk to about what’s going on inside my head because my stupid personality disorder and other mental health issues have pushed everyone i care about away

i can’t take much more of this, i miss my friend and i have no one else to turn to and i have lost all hope completely

i’ll always have plan B and C for if plan A ever fails

not a day goes by 

i have never felt as suicidal as this in a good few years and it’s all his fault

breaks my heart just a little bit more every time i get picked up and dropped. you would think i would have learned and got over this by now but nope. every time it hurts just as bad as the first. loving someone really is a shit time when they don’t care about you.

That special someone who is incredibly amazing. Who just takes your breath away, who you’d fall for again and again. That person who constantly makes you smile. That person you know who will always be there for you at the end of the day and will accept you for you. That person who gives you the feeling of a million butterflies whenever you two are talking. Who always has the right words to say at the right time. That person who makes you feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

i wish that getting better was as simple as taking a tablet a day and it all stops. but its not. you have to work hard to get to that better place. its not easy. what makes it even more difficult is having to do the things you dont want to do because all that you want is to kill yourself.